These short interludes are from Mirroring Volume IX: The Fruit of the Poisonous Tree
#1 “Demokratia Pleads for Rump and Agam:” A bargaining session between the harsh, unforgiving, and spiteful would-be protector, Blue Donkey, and the supplicant, Demokratia, over the fates of Rump and Agam. Derived from Genesis 18, "Abraham pleads for Sodom” and Genesis 19 “Sodom and Gomorrah Destroyed.”
#2 “The Parable of Goal, Future, and Present’s Sacrifice on Mt. Past:” A short lesson on goals derived from the “Test of Abraham” in Genesis 22.
Gigachad Sidequest #1: Demokratia Pleads for Rump and Agam
The powerful, would-be protector Blue Donkey turns to speak to the messengers, Lib, Prog, and Socism after looking down at Rump.
Blue Donkey: “Shall I hide from Demokratia what I am about to do? They are sure to become a great and powerful nation, blessing all others through me and only me. For I have chosen it occasionally when it suits me. Thus, I will direct Demokratia to keep the way of the Blue Donkey for future generations by doing what I say is right and just, so that I may possibly bring some of what I promised to it.”
Expecting no answer from his heralds, Blue Donkey continues in its usual wrathful ways: “The outcry against Rump and Agam after the great sin of the Sixth is so deafening and their “fascist,” irredeemable evils so grievous that I will go down and see if what they have done in their country is as bad as the outcry that has reached me from you three messengers, Lib, Prog, and Socism. If it’s worse than I already know it to be and if you haven’t been reporting enough of the wickedness, I will know.”
The heralds leave to monitor and undermine Rump and Agam from within as a prostrate Demokratia crawls to Blue Donkey, looking for the help that was promised.
Demokratia: “All-knowing Blue Donkey, who would control our progress and future, would you really sweep away the righteous for the wicked, all in my name?
Blue Donkey: “Wait, how TF did you know what I was about to do?”
Blue Donkey thought to itself: “I thought that was kept secret from Demokratia, but it must have heard me order my heralds as I plotted my righteous vengeance. It couldn’t possibly be so obvious to such commoners.”
Demokratia: “If there are at least 14,000,000 primary votes for Rump in an entry-level contest in 2016, will you spare those voters in the name of your promise to me and my current plea for help?”
Blue Donkey: “If I find 14,000,000 primary votes for Rump in an entry-level contest in 2016, I will not spare any of them for that number’s sake.”
Feeling a bit more bold after being rejected, knowing more than Blue Donkey thought it did, Demokratia tried again at bargaining:
“Though you might want them ground down to dust and ashes at that number, if I find even more voters, maybe more than 62,000,000, but 2,900,000 less than 65,000,000 or so of them in the Great Contest of 2016, will you spare Rump on account of your promise to help me instead? Would you destroy the whole lot of them on account of 2,900,000 less votes?”
Blue Donkey: Even 2,900,000 less votes than 65,788,564, I will destroy them and anything that gets in the way of their punishment.”
Once again Demokratia spoke to Blue Donkey, increasingly worried about the promises and less so about the fates of Rump and Agam: “What if only 74,216,728 votes in the Great Contest of 2020 are found there? What of your promises then?”
Blue Donkey: “For the sake of 74,000,000 or so votes–whatever–a subtraction of 7,052,045 from 81,268,773, I will still destroy them even if their numbers keep increasing.”
Incredulous at the increasing likelihood of destruction and of the failure to address the promises, Demokratia tried one last time: “May the great Blue Donkey not be mad at me–I, the humble Demokratia–but let me speak once more about the promises you have made to me and what I ask of the fate of Rump. What if there were 77,303,500 plus 68 more votes in the Great Contest of 2024?”
Blue Donkey: “Even with 77,000,000, and 2,000,000 more than 75,019,230 or so votes, I will spare none of them in any Great Contest. No number of votes will ever be enough, Demokratia!”
Demokratia: “But, what of the promises?”
Emboldened, Herald Socism approaches to address both Demokratia and Blue Donkey.
Herald Socism: “Heed the good news, Blue Donkey, for now our hope for the nation is in my bastion, Gotham City! Our charismatic new Man, pronouns he, him, is blessed by his god and is now the prophetic hope of all nations, like it or not, for he has won a mayoralty race with 1,036,061 votes in a city with 9 to 1 support for you, Blue Donkey, compared to the small number of the greedy and craven dwelling there. This was in this Year of Our Marx, 2025, and a year since the Great Contest of 2024 that plagued the rest of this wicked, oligarchic, suddenly unaffordable nation not yet accepting your promises, which are much, much less lofty than I, Socism, find acceptable to promise. My new city is a place far, far away from the sinful influence and culture of Rump and Agam. What do you say about that, Demokratia?”
Demokratia: “But, Herald Socism, now that you’re in charge of fulfilling these even greater promises, what about the rest? Are you to sweep away almost 77,303,568 voters from the Great Contest of 2024 and from across my nation, just to save 1,036,062 Gotham voters also in my nation, which is 76,267,505 less votes, almost 76 times less for your Man than for Rump and Agam? Is the greater part to be turned to hellfire to spare your much, much fewer that you would call righteous? Will the 1,036,062 Gotham voters in my nation grant me, poor and bedraggled Demokratia, the promises I’ve so demanded for all of my nation and after all of this time now lost?”
Herald Socism spoke before Blue Donkey could speak up: “The Man’s pronouns are he, him! And I’ll spare no one, even those going along with the way of the Blue Donkey who would oppose me. We think therefore I am. I…”
Interrupting his once herald, Blue Donkey thunders in triumph: “Ah, after 9 long years of searching for their doom, this might be the answer I always knew I’d find against the wicked Rump and Agam! I’m glad I thought of it just now!” Always assured, Blue Donkey turns its back on Demokratia as it was still protesting and demanding what was promised and turns left to go back home to the Blue Country Paradise.
With its answer mostly confirmed by the small Off Year Contest of 2025, Blue Donkey tried again to rain down burning sulfur on Rump and Agam, trying to smite them for good by closing the government for 43 pointless days and 42 wasted nights to grind more wicked voters into dust just to be rid of them.
Thus, even after the Off Year Contest of 2025 with still only the Blue Country Paradise firmly in righteous hands as they called it, Blue Donkey tried again to overthrow Rump and Agam by salting the vegetation in the sunniest, most populous lands of their Blue Country Paradise so that no wicked voters there would ever grow to strength in another contest, big or small, after this great redistricting decimation. While fleeing, 8 senators following the way of Blue Donkey looked back at the destruction caused by the longest government closure of 43 pointless days and 42 wasted nights, and they became pillars of salt. This damnation was meant to punish their disobedience and betrayal of Blue Donkey, and so that no growth would follow them into their small contest primaries against the heralds of Prog or Socism.
(Not) The End
Gigachad Sidequest #2: The Parable of Goal, Future, and Present’s Sacrifice on Mt. Past
“Goal, are you there?”
“Here I am, Future!
…I am The Goal! I command you to go to the highest, most awesome mountain that exists called Mt. Past, and go with haste, Future. Build a fire, prepare an offering, and bring along your precious Present that I have left you with, Future.”
“Goal, are you there? I made it up to the very top of Mt. Past and have begun as you have instructed.”
“I said “Here I am, Future!" Do I have to remind you, or are you going to be wicked annoying this whole time, Future?”
“Goal, are you there? Upon Mt. Past, what is to be the burnt offering?”
“Do I have to tell you everything? On Mt. Past, sacrifice your Present whom you value above all else in your life. Do it for your Goal. Burn, burn, and burn with so much haste so that I might be satisfied with your commitment because of your zealotry, Future.”
“Goal, are you there? There is no wood or starter left for me, nor is there time to start this fire before the mighty storm winds come upon here. I will have to go all the way down and back up Mt. Past to do as you wish, hacking my way through Mt. Past’s Forest to see the tree I need for this fire. But, if this is your command and you are there, I will obey.”
Pause. “I’m here, goddamit! Just do it, Future!
...Wait. WAIT! I command you to stop right away, Future! It was but a test to see if your heart is truly with your Goal. On top of Mt. Past, do not sacrifice your Present, Future, and then you will have passed the test…Are you there? Future?”
“Goal, are you there? Present is already gone. Burnt into ashes along with the forest and my tree on Mt. Past because of the storm winds. Now, Mt. Past is the barren waste of a rock as you intended, and I barely made it down the blazing slope in time. I hope this pleases you. I will gladly see this new situation as my own newest Present if that makes you happy and if you are there.”
“You dumb f*ck! Start over, Future!”
“Goal, are you there?”
“OMFG, Future!”
